Being able to feel good about ourselves is often a struggle. The incorrect but commonly held belief is that we should somehow “naturally” be unwaveringly confident all the time. This widely held myth assumes that confidence is a character trait we ‘should’ not have to work for; worse still the myth is accompanied by an erroneous belief that if we have to work for confidence something’s not right. As my favourite TV judge often says in her wonderful Bronx drawl “That’s Boloney!”
The Myth about Confidence
Real confidence does not fit with these myths and beliefs. Real confidence feels like being comfortable in your own skin and grows out of self awareness, self acceptance; self respect; self compassion and courage.
The Reality about Confidence
If consciously nurturing our self-esteem, self-worth and self-belief is not something you learnt growing up please don’t worry — that makes you part of the majority. Most of us did not grow up being taught how to develop, understand and sustain realistic and positive feelings about ourselves. This leaves many of us with self-confidence wounds and scars.
- Do feelings of stress, anxiety or low self-esteem affect your self confidence?
- Does worrying about what other people think stop you from doing what you really want to do?
If you said yes to any one of these statements that’s great news because it means you are self-aware and can do something about it from the inside out.
Working with a relational therapist or coach, and doing working on your self helps to develop a realistic sense of what works and does not work for you in your life choices.
The 4 Steps to Real Confidence
There are four simple steps to developing and sustaining your unique and Real Confidence:
- Be real – mindfulness, gratitude; self honesty and self awareness
- Get support – coaching, therapy, self-help resources
- Stay present – hold healthy boundaries, know and mobilise your values, self compassion and relational skills.
- Maintain the process – sustain a sense of what you need in order to maintain your emotional, psychological and physical wellbeing.